god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
they need to just BURY HIM!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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