Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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