True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
