nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize