I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
