Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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