At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
