it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
