it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
