So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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