I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
