i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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