Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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