Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
