i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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