she woke up with a sticky ear
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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