when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Text me some of your sweat
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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