There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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