...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She's the barista slut.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We were destined to go to rehab together
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
