My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
