You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
