How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
