fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize