She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
