Where is the hickey?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
