My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
