got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
