Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
