UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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