its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
