Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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