Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
