you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize