Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
