He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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