i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think your dad took our porno
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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