i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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