I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
