not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
