I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
