I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
