One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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