"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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