If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
