I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
