CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
