I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
