My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
