I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
