evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
