if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
