Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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