So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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