and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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