k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
