Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
