When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
