Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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