i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize