She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
