it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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