I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
