i just had sex bonerless
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
