you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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