She's JV to your varsity
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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